A Surreal Anniversary.

A year ago today I asked my husband to move out. A year ago tomorrow, he left. A year ago the next day, we told the kids that we were separated.


It's been a weird year. At this time last year I was calm and certain. Some people thought I was cold and unfeeling about the ending of my marriage, especially since Randy was suffering so much. I understand it's impossible to see clearly from the outside. But I wasn't unfeeling - I had already done my suffering. For years and years. I had cried myself out already. And I was calm and certain.

Of course I wasn't happy. Of course it wasn't where I wanted to be. I didn't get married to end up divorced, I had my dreams of eternity like everyone else. But I was at the end of what I was able to give; more importantly, I was at the end of what I felt my Heavenly Father expected me to give. That's what I was waiting for. I waited, I tried, I gave more chances than I thought I had in me. And then I was done.

A year ago today I took a huge, frightening, daunting step to secure the future health and well-being of myself and my kids. And despite loneliness and anxiety and everything else that comes with being a single mom, I still know I made the right decision.

Weird year.