Most of you will not like this post

It's true. Most of you will not like this post. Some of you will already be aware of the news in this post. Some of you will be very surprised, some not so much. The news is this: Randy and I have been separated since July, and I have filed for divorce.

Now, I'm not going to go into details here, because I don't think that would be right. But let me cut off any well-meaning individuals who would like to join the line of well-meaning individuals who have felt the need to lecture or advise me. Yes, I have thought this through (only for 5 years or so). Yes, I have prayed about this (give me some credit here). Yes, I have considered the impact on my children (which is part of why I'm doing this). Yes, I have gone to the temple and asked the Lord - yes, I have done and am doing the things I should be. I'm not perfect, but I'm also not stupid. I ask for the confidence of everyone reading this when I say, this is the right thing to do.

This is not to say that I won't discuss it or answer questions, I'm just weary of people trying to "change my mind." If you want to talk about it, I'm open to emails or FB messages. I can't talk about it on the phone, because my kids are almost always listening.

The separation and the divorce were both my idea, sanctioned, in my belief, by the Lord. If I didn't have that absolute confidence, I wouldn't have proceeded no matter how unhappy I was. I am happier now, and actually healthier too. I've lost weight and gained confidence; I'm happy now. This course of action certainly hasn't lowered my stress levels, but it's different stress now, and it comes in bursts rather than my living under an oppressive storm cloud of it every minute of every day. And I'm getting stronger all the time.

But that's just me. My children are unhappy, and that is really hard. They don't see or remember the things that have happened to cause this, even though they've been affected by them. They don't recognize that our family hasn't been okay for a long time. They love both of their parents unconditionally and think we're both the best and want us back together. They've all exhibited signs of dealing with this in their own ways, and I'm trying to help them. I hope you'll join us in praying for them.

So, that's the news.

ps - If you're friends with Randy, keep it up. I won't be using any public forum to detail why we're getting divorced, or intentionally doing anything to damage his name, and I certainly don't expect or want anyone to "choose sides" or choose one of us over the other. We both still need our friends.